The Empire of Hapia Lornar is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by The Cochins with an iron fist, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, zero percent divorce rate, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 3.329 billion Lornarians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cochin City. The average income tax rate is 47.1%.

The strong Lornarian economy, worth 236 trillion Mealworms a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Tourism, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 71,187 Mealworms, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.7 times as much as the poorest.

Students who do not recite the national anthem each morning have to drop and give their teacher 50, fat-shaming is now public policy, lobotomies haven't been the same after the practice was severed, and blue bloods are welcome in Hapia Lornar. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hapia Lornar's national animal is the Chicken.

Hapia Lornar is ranked 55,286^th in the world and 2^nd in Region of Chickens for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 1,808.6 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.