The Armed Federation of Haistinland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, remarkable for its public floggings, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 15.664 billion Haistinlandians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pond City. The average income tax rate is 94.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Haistinlandian economy, worth a remarkable 2,510 trillion ducklings a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 160,298 ducklings, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Savvy students quote paywalled research knowing that university lecturers can't afford to check the citations, matryoshka dolls resembling nested Death Stars are commonly sold, kilts and cassocks are viewed with suspicion, and visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with Leader. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Haistinland's national animal is the duck, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Haistinland is ranked 7,505^th in the world and 3^rd in The Pangaean Union for Lowest Crime Rates, with 106.89 law-abiding acts per hour.