The Empire of FreeMales is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Lonk with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ban on automobiles, prohibition of alcohol, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 8.14 billion Freemalesians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Education also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lorule. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 44.7%.

The frighteningly efficient FreeMalesian economy, worth a remarkable 2,336 trillion Rupees a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 286,995 Rupees, with the richest citizens earning 6.0 times as much as the poorest.

It is illegal to liberate slaves, members of the government all have oddly similar anecdotes about their childhoods, the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments, and CSI Forest is this year's hit new crime show. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. FreeMales's national animal is the ChuChu, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Indigo.

FreeMales is ranked 180,811^th in the world and 9,861^st in Chicken overlords for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 776.7 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.