The Republic of Essendon FC is a colossal, safe nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, avant-garde cinema, and compulsory gun ownership. The compassionate, devout population of 3.959 billion Essendon FCians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. The average income tax rate is 65.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Essendon FCian economy, worth 193 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 48,964 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Nobody knows why the caged Bombers sings, crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing, the "feminist protest" defence is increasingly common for cases of armed robbery, and the nation's politicians are acknowledged as the most polite in the region to the dismay of comedians everywhere. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Essendon FC's national animal is the Bombers, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Essendon FC is ranked 117,669^th in the world and 36^th in AFL for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 705.63 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.