The Traditional Empire of Empinion is a colossal, efficient nation, renowned for its free-roaming dinosaurs, public floggings, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, devout population of 3.195 billion Empinionians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Education. The average income tax rate is 72.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Empinionian economy, worth 254 trillion kronor a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Basket Weaving, Cheese Exports, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 79,712 kronor, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Even in the most hardened climate scientists break down at the sound of a single drop of rain, the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster, Leader is too busy listening to praise to get any work done, and a large concrete wall is being built around the country's borders. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Empinion's national animal is the turtle, which can occasionally be seen avoiding garbage in the nation's murky oceans.

Empinion is ranked 70,193^rd in the world and 1^st in The Angularis for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 1,446.96 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.