The Dictatorship of Dolphin Thing is a very large, orderly nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, public floggings, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 492 million Dolphin Thingians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Public Transport also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality receive no funds. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.6%.

The very strong Dolphin Thingian economy, worth 33.4 trillion Blue Rubber Dolphin shower caps a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 67,976 Blue Rubber Dolphin shower caps, with the richest citizens earning 9.8 times as much as the poorest.

Photographers have to apply for a license to photograph Leader, violently opinionated speakers can be heard preaching their hateful views on every street corner, bombs are permitted on planes for the 'security of the passengers', and cars have been banned. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Dolphin Thing's national animal is the Blue Rubber Dolphin, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Dolphin Thing is ranked 277,563^rd in the world and 15,085^th in Balder for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 37.37 on the Kitten Softness Rating.