The Empire of Coyn is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Emperor of the Universe with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, unlimited-speed roads, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.776 billion Coynians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Big Burg. The average income tax rate is 92.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Coynian economy, worth a remarkable 4,072 trillion Dukals a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 318,770 Dukals, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

Mysterious men apprehend suspected Good Samaritans under the cover of night, every computer glitch triggers an immediate counter-espionage response, songs of praise to Emperor of the Universe are filled with coded messages from the resistance, and job descriptions are required to list the length of their siesta breaks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coyn's national animal is the Weasel, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is God fearing.

Coyn is ranked 101,105^th in the world and 1^st in Coyn for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 3,233.21 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.