The ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ of Colmaijo is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Santa Claus with an even hand, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, national health service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 10.744 billion Colmaijoans are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Yggdrasil. The average income tax rate is 69.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Colmaij economy, worth a remarkable 1,275 trillion Candy Cane Gold Bars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is an impressive 118,754 Candy Cane Gold Bars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan, carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population, the nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel, and the government maintains a Department of Skulduggery. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Colmaijo's national animal is the Grizzly Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Colmaijo is ranked 12,111^th in the world and 7^th in RGBN for Nicest Citizens, with 28.11 average smiles per day.