The Protectorate of CoffeeSqueeze is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Barista with an even hand, and notable for its smutty television, ban on automobiles, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The compassionate, humorless population of 35.044 billion CoffeeSqueezeans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Social Policy, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. The average income tax rate is 61.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong CoffeeSqueezean economy, worth a remarkable 3,181 trillion beans a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Furniture Restoration, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 90,790 beans, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Barista has been nicknamed 'Robomop', Barista's speeches are beloved by insomniacs, incarcerated crime lords manage their empires from massage tables, and therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads. Crime is totally unknown. CoffeeSqueeze's national animal is the bee, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

CoffeeSqueeze is ranked 152,221^st in the world and 15^th in Australia for Largest Black Market, with 1.11 trillion Standard Monetary Units.