The Cornist Junta of Cartorian Empire is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Dave with an iron fist, and notable for its frequent executions, aversion to nipples, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 18.332 billion Cartorians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kartorograd. The average income tax rate is 73.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cartorian economy, worth a remarkable 2,064 trillion Cornars a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 112,644 Cornars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Political visitors are forced to stop ten paces from Dave's throne, political debates are all but a distant memory, thorough preparation of street foods defeats the purpose of really fast food, and all marriages are arranged by the government. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cartorian Empire's national animal is the Cartorian Grizzly, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Alcoholism.

Cartorian Empire is ranked 214,300^th in the world and 7^th in Montealba for Fattest Citizens, with 8.97 Obesity Rate.