The Republic of Cabbage Cavern is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, ritual sacrifices, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 2.278 billion Cabbage Cavernians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 73.5%.

The all-consuming Cabbage Cavernian economy, worth 212 trillion stardusts a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Basket Weaving, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 93,121 stardusts, with the richest citizens earning 6.6 times as much as the poorest.

Five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes, business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions, citizens are arrested for naturally producing proteins, and school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cabbage Cavern's national animal is the moonlark, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cabbage Cavern is ranked 124,981^st in the world and 1^st in Cabbage Cavern for Highest Drug Use, scoring 130.93 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.