The Theocratic Federation of The United Holy Cantons is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Council of High Cardinals with an iron fist, and remarkable for its strictly enforced bedtime, aversion to nipples, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.068 billion United Holy Cantonians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order and Spirituality are also considered important, while Welfare isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lucerne. The average income tax rate is 80.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving United Holy Cantonsian economy, worth 298 trillion swiss francs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, Uranium Mining, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 97,177 swiss francs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Diaper sales are up, The United Holy Cantons is suspiciously populated compared to its neighbors, conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors, and children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The United Holy Cantons's national animal is the ram, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Catholicism.

The United Holy Cantons is ranked 243,235^th in the world and 1,114^th in Europe for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -5.44 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.