The Constitutional Monarchy of Alvana is a very large, genial nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, irreverence towards religion, and suspicion of poets. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 441 million Alvanans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Defense, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.9%.

The thriving Alvanan economy, worth 37.5 trillion Alcils a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 85,055 Alcils, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 331,309 per year while the poor average 14,916, a ratio of 22.2 to 1.

Statue-sitting has replaced the stake-out as the dullest form of police duty, a popular Alvanan saying is 'wishing upon a fallen jet engine', the Smalltopian embassy doubles as an electoral campaign headquarters, and citizens have to identify all the polar bears in a blizzard photo in order to access their bank account. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Alvana's national animal is the Alvana Deer, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Alvana is ranked 15,826^th in the world and 1^st in Desintegratia for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 5,400.68 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.