The United States of A Happy Capitalist is a gargantuan, safe nation, remarkable for its museums and concert halls, parental licensing program, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 18.174 billion Happy Capitalistians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 45.0%.

The powerhouse Happy Capitalistian economy, worth a remarkable 1,632 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 89,842 dollars, with the richest citizens earning 8.3 times as much as the poorest.

The traditional Violetist dish of stuffed sheep's head is served with an intense look of shock upon its face, sleep-deprived officials are known to collapse after late night revision for their examinations, state media features lively debates such as whether pineapple on pizza is an acceptable topping, and commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. A Happy Capitalist's national animal is the eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

A Happy Capitalist is ranked 150,251^st in the world and 1^st in Communist International League for Highest Food Quality, scoring 15.54 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.