The Empire of 911 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by elbirdo with an iron fist, and notable for its smutty television, otherworldly petting zoo, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 3.258 billion 911ians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Administration, and Industry are also considered important, while Welfare receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Phoenix Haven. The average income tax rate is 77.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient 911ian economy, worth 498 trillion bottleses of vodca a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 152,843 bottleses of vodca, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

A few immigrants are better than no immigrants according to elbirdo, five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes, military pilots jettison listening devices as chaff to confuse enemy missiles, and a massive campaign is underway to ensure the race of 911 remains pure. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. 911's national animal is the dinosaur, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is alcoholism.

911 is ranked 266,139^th in the world and 4^th in Nikara for Rudest Citizens, with 21.93 insults per minute.