The Sexy Funland of Hetairaea is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Gwen Matisch with a fair hand, and notable for its national health service, unlimited-speed roads, and otherworldly petting zoo. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 10.829 billion Hetairaeans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Welfare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shangri-La. The average income tax rate is 4.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Hetairaean economy, worth a remarkable 3,959 trillion Sauces a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 365,665 Sauces, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation, criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers, radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion, and the mood of raunchy movies is often ruined by the sound of babies crying. Crime is relatively low. Hetairaea's national animal is the Succubus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is communal loving.

Hetairaea is ranked 219^th in the world and 1^st in Project Snowscape for Nicest Citizens, with 172.68 average smiles per day.