The Mafiosi of Crimi is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by MrCrimi with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, soft-spoken computers, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 30.449 billion Crimians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of CrimiCity. The average income tax rate is 81.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Crimian economy, worth a remarkable 5,108 trillion favors a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Uranium Mining, Soda Sales, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 167,781 favors, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

The nanny industry has had a boom after maternity leave was recently banned, recognised healthcare professionals treat diabetes with a grain of sugar in a barrel of water, you can say what you like about the genocidal murderers that rule Crimi but at least the trains run on time, and the purgative quality of Crimian cuisine is known across the globe. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crimi's national animal is the lapcat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Atheism.

Crimi is ranked 284,013^th in the world and 209^th in Nederland for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 18.58 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.