The Imperial Armored Fortress of Firefights is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by High General Zealot with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, sprawling nuclear power plants, and anti-smoking policies. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 31.595 billion Imperials are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Healthcare, and Welfare are also considered important, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dominus Bolt. The average income tax rate is 97.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Imperial economy, worth a remarkable 5,768 trillion thrones a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 182,576 thrones, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens live in superstitious fear of the mysterious glowing clouds that float over Firefights, political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm, military spending is on the increase, and fancy dress parties are raided by military police for new recruits. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Firefights's national animal is the palatine eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Imperial Cult.

Firefights is ranked 283,349^th in the world and 127^th in Canada for Most Primitive, scoring -379.26 on the Scary Big Number Scale.