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«12. . .4,2464,2474,2484,2494,2504,2514,252. . .5,0515,052»

Ao smith wrote:hello, Got any Food?

Define "food." You'll find menus on the table, or Cheffy can make just about anything you want ... as long as you don't mind the danger-factor.

Zany Zanes, Pricane, and Duncan the delivery doggo

The weekend poetry contest has ended. Brocklandia gets to choose a winner.

Brocklandia, Drunkndisorderly, and Duncan the delivery doggo

Zombie Penguins wrote:The weekend poetry contest has ended. Brocklandia gets to choose a winner.

Now, I know Maple Hockey Canadia thinks no one would "volunteer" to judge the poetry contest, but I rather like being all judgmental. A chance to make you people cater to my whims and vie for my favor?--Dance, my little marionettes, dance!

Uh, no offense intended to anyone named Marion.

So, anyway, let's start off with an Honorable Mention, aka the "You Really Dodged a Bullet There" Award. This one goes to Pricane for this couplet, which missed charting only because Z-Day was months ago, and I don't want to encourage people who procrastinate and annoy Zombie Penguins, both of which are really my job, dammit. Well, congratulations anyway, Pricane, for doing my job almost as well as I do.

Home sweet home
Z-day was fun here

And that brings us to First Place, the position cursed ... uh, blessed with responsibility for judging the next contest. (Hmm. Maybe Maple Hockey Canadia was right.) Anyhoo, First Place lands like a hammer on ... Zany Zanes, for this one. Sorry, Zane, but somebody's gotta do it.

Loud and unexplainable noises are heard from the kitchen, like chanting and a kraken cowering in fear.
This goes on for about an hour and drives all but the bravest guests out of the bar.
The bartender walks out, drink in hand.
The drink itself is of a neon purple color, giving off a faint aura.
If one get close to it, can hear whispers of the damned as it fizzes.
Some of the fizz drips and hits the ground, melting spots of the floor like acid.

Handles the glass carefully about to set it down when they realize a lot has happened since last time.

Who won the slightly coveted Second Place, you're probably asking yourself--and if you weren't, please take a moment to do so. This week, we have a two-way tie for Second. So congrats, in no particular order, to PR Megaforce and Maple Hockey Canadia!

There once was a ranger
Fighting all sorts of danger
Who fell into a bar
Sipped some Nectar
And is now stuck as a teenager.

Nonetheless, here is a poem from up north, eh.
Please give me second place
I didn't come here from space
Isn't the whole point of mars
To avoid going near crazy interdimensional bars
Eh

Okay, I'm done, eh.

Which brings us--drum roll please!--to the highly coveted Third Place. I'd normally award it to myself, just because, but this time I decided to be magnanimous and hand it to someone else, and that someone else is Jehovahs witness! Congrats, JW, for stealing Third Place from my grasp!

Conquest
Is commercial
It's legitimate trade
And so to the highest bidder
Victory

Congrats to our Honorable Mention, Second, and Third Place winners! And my deepest sympathies to our First Place victim! Woo hoo!

All decisions are final. If you submitted a monetary bribe judgment gratuity, your account will be charged immediately, and all judgment gratuities are non-cancelable and nonrefundable.

Jehovahs witness

Brocklandia wrote: I'd normally award it to myself, just because, but this time I decided to be magnanimous and hand it to someone else, and that someone else is Jehovahs witness! Congrats, JW, for stealing Third Place from my grasp!

The Witness stirs from their slumber and looks up blearily.

Oh... You let me have third place. Truly, a honor. Three's a nice number. It's the number of buckshot rounds required to kill a drone, after all. Resilient buggers.

Congrats Zany Zanes. You have the option of judging the next poetry contest and choosing a theme and style. Let us know.

Brocklandia, Drunkndisorderly, Zany Zanes, and Duncan the delivery doggo

*Zombies ride bicycles out of the bar while dragging Nattily dressed anarchists on bicycles behind them*

Brocklandia, Drunkndisorderly, Zany Zanes, and Duncan the delivery doggo

Brocklandia wrote:Sure. Give it twenty minutes and it will evolve legs on its own so that it can accompany you.

So... Uh, I kind of brought it home with me and it sort of consumed my house and my reality... Uh, do you guys have any protocol on that or...

Zombie Penguins wrote:*Zombies ride bicycles out of the bar while dragging Nattily dressed anarchists on bicycles behind them*

*throws goose at penguin and prepares some popcorn and prepares to see them squabble*

Zombie Penguins wrote:Congrats Zany Zanes. You have the option of judging the next poetry contest and choosing a theme and style. Let us know.

Contemplates this a moment.

Alright, let's do limericks. Any theme, but I will admit, I give extra points to anything that makes me laugh or has kittens.

Prusmia wrote:So... Uh, I kind of brought it home with me and it sort of consumed my house and my reality... Uh, do you guys have any protocol on that or...

Snickers.

"dO wE hAvE a pRoToCoL fOr thAt?"

Sobers.

Yes, if you'd like to discuss this with our legal department they can help you settle this affair. Just come this way.

Gestures towards the kitchen where Cheffy can be heard looking for ingredients to stew.

Prusmia wrote:So... Uh, I kind of brought it home with me and it sort of consumed my house and my reality... Uh, do you guys have any protocol on that or...

We have only one protocol: If you take it, you keep it. We don't want it back. Any damage you incur is your own concern. Hope you have, or had, insurance.

Zany Zanes wrote:Any theme, but I will admit, I give extra points to anything that makes me laugh or has kittens.

Limericks about things that make Zanes have kittens. Awfully specific, but okay. Got it.

"There once was a worker named Zanes
Who birthed kittens whenever it rains ..."

Don't hit me, please.

Zombie Penguins, Zany Zanes, and Loli county

Pass me a beer, bartender.

Brocklandia wrote:Now, I know Maple Hockey Canadia thinks no one would "volunteer" to judge the poetry contest, but I rather like being all judgmental. A chance to make you people cater to my whims and vie for my favor?--Dance, my little marionettes, dance!

Uh, no offense intended to anyone named Marion.

So, anyway, let's start off with an Honorable Mention, aka the "You Really Dodged a Bullet There" Award. This one goes to Pricane for this couplet, which missed charting only because Z-Day was months ago, and I don't want to encourage people who procrastinate and annoy Zombie Penguins, both of which are really my job, dammit. Well, congratulations anyway, Pricane, for doing my job almost as well as I do.

Home sweet home
Z-day was fun here

And that brings us to First Place, the position cursed ... uh, blessed with responsibility for judging the next contest. (Hmm. Maybe Maple Hockey Canadia was right.) Anyhoo, First Place lands like a hammer on ... Zany Zanes, for this one. Sorry, Zane, but somebody's gotta do it.

Loud and unexplainable noises are heard from the kitchen, like chanting and a kraken cowering in fear.
This goes on for about an hour and drives all but the bravest guests out of the bar.
The bartender walks out, drink in hand.
The drink itself is of a neon purple color, giving off a faint aura.
If one get close to it, can hear whispers of the damned as it fizzes.
Some of the fizz drips and hits the ground, melting spots of the floor like acid.

Handles the glass carefully about to set it down when they realize a lot has happened since last time.

Who won the slightly coveted Second Place, you're probably asking yourself--and if you weren't, please take a moment to do so. This week, we have a two-way tie for Second. So congrats, in no particular order, to PR Megaforce and Maple Hockey Canadia!

There once was a ranger
Fighting all sorts of danger
Who fell into a bar
Sipped some Nectar
And is now stuck as a teenager.

Nonetheless, here is a poem from up north, eh.
Please give me second place
I didn't come here from space
Isn't the whole point of mars
To avoid going near crazy interdimensional bars
Eh

Okay, I'm done, eh.

Which brings us--drum roll please!--to the highly coveted Third Place. I'd normally award it to myself, just because, but this time I decided to be magnanimous and hand it to someone else, and that someone else is Jehovahs witness! Congrats, JW, for stealing Third Place from my grasp!

Conquest
Is commercial
It's legitimate trade
And so to the highest bidder
Victory

Congrats to our Honorable Mention, Second, and Third Place winners! And my deepest sympathies to our First Place victim! Woo hoo!

All decisions are final. If you submitted a monetary bribe judgment gratuity, your account will be charged immediately, and all judgment gratuities are non-cancelable and nonrefundable.

Haha thanks lol
I'm safe

Brocklandia wrote:Snip

Yay! Another second place for me, eh!
*Throws maple syrup and confetti in celebration*
*Runs away so I don't have to clean that up*

Maple Hockey Canadia wrote:Yay! Another second place for me, eh!
*Throws maple syrup and confetti in celebration*
*Runs away so I don't have to clean that up*

The joy of throwing maple syrup is it doesn't need to be cleaned up. It sticks to the ceiling, and no one looks up, so just ignore it. Ignore it, I say!

The democratic legion wrote:Pass me a beer, bartender.

Sorry, I don't make passes at beers. But here's a bourbon for you--jut because.

Zany Zanes and The democratic legion

Brocklandia wrote:Limericks about things that make Zanes have kittens. Awfully specific, but okay. Got it.

"There once was a worker named Zanes
Who birthed kittens whenever it rains ..."

Don't hit me, please.

Well, it definitely made me laugh. If you finish it this, it looks like a strong contender for third place.

Brocklandia and Loli county

Zany Zanes wrote:Well, it definitely made me laugh. If you finish it this, it looks like a strong contender for third place.

I'm afraid that if I do, you'll fill an HR action against me.

Loli county

Brocklandia wrote:The joy of throwing maple syrup is it doesn't need to be cleaned up. It sticks to the ceiling, and no one looks up, so just ignore it. Ignore it, I say!

*Maple syrup containing an obscene amount of confetti drips onto your head as you walk by*
Ignore it, eh.

Brocklandia, Pricane, and Loli county

New poll up! Make sure to give us your opinions!

Brocklandia, Zany Zanes, Pricane, and Duncan the delivery doggo

Loli county wrote:New poll up! Make sure to give us your opinions!

New message suppressed! Make sure you buy a drink before you give us your poll links!

It's in the Factbook announcement at the top of the page: 🍻 Visitors must buy a drink before posting a poll or announcement. 🥂

Zany Zanes and Loli county

Brocklandia wrote:New message suppressed! Make sure you buy a drink before you give us your poll links!

It's in the Factbook announcement at the top of the page: 🍻 Visitors must buy a drink before posting a poll or announcement. 🥂

Hmm, how about a Clorox!

Loli county wrote:Hmm, how about a Clorox!

Good choice. Has a nice burn, and it's less toxic than ... well, a good percentage of our menu. Plus it's an internationally recognized brand name, so we can claim our endorsement fee. Here you go, one glass of CloroxTM, and a straw.

Message unsuppressed.

Zany Zanes, East lodge, Loli county, and Songs you dont understand

*sleeps on ceiling*
*falls on a mattress*

East lodge wrote:*sleeps on ceiling*
*falls on a mattress*

What?--Like this is supposed to make life difficult for the cockroaches that want to run across your face while you're sleeping?

Zany Zanes and East lodge

«12. . .4,2464,2474,2484,2494,2504,2514,252. . .5,0515,052»

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