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*Slaps you in a box and ships you back to SolarFlare*
*hijacks truck and keeps shooting everywhere*
Please ignore Sierra Grand
how undignified for our foreign affairs officer
*The proprietor ducks back below the counter as more bullets whizz, embedding themselves in ceiling and walls*
*With the immediate danger passed, the proprietor once again peers over the counter*
*Watches amazed, as the first bullet misses The Age of Utopia, ricochets off the door, bounces off the pavement, and takes out a street light on the far side of the road.*
*A woman and her husband were arguing outside the Main Street grocery store*
Woman: No! No more cigarettes. Those things will kill you.
Man: But...
*A bullet hits the man in the chest. The woman screams.*
Woman: My darling, no!
Man: It's OK dear, my cigarette case took the force of the bullet.
*He reaches inside his jacket, and pulls out a cigarette case with a bullet embedded*
Man: You see? Smoking can save lives too.
Close by, a dishevelled looking preacher holds up a bible, pierced by a bullet.
Preacher: Look! Look! Jesus Saves!
*A delivery driver taking a box of bananas to the grocery store drops the box and dives for cover. The truck hits the bananas and careers out of control. It flips over twice, and bursts into flames.
Meanwhile, the pilot of Domestic Airlines flight 123 (who is severely overworked) doses off at the controls of the plane. It nosedives, and crashes into the burning truck.
The sky turns dark with storm clouds, and lightening shoots from the sky, frazzling the already burning figure of Sierra Grand.
The preacher shouts over to the pizza shop proprietor:*
Preacher: Did you see that? Did you see that?
Proprietor: Yes. That was the worst bit of RP I've seen in ages.
Proprietor: No worries, we get all kinds of odd characters here. Now, would you like to place an order?
I demand this store burns to the ground
*brings in the Russian Army*
*looks at the queue of one million Russian armed forces personel*
You all wanting pizza?
In the first of the Pizza Playoffs, the majority chose to have bacon instead of chicken strips as a topping.
But what if you had to choose between Jalapenos or Red Peppers?
Oh Mastald was refounded
(bet he can't recognize who I am)
(hint: "TELPO! GIVE ME BACK MY HOUSE!")
I need an oblong box of Cigarettes.
We've another meaty question!
Chicken Tandoori or Chorizo on your pizza?
In our second Pizza Playoff, red peppers proved hotter than jalapenos. Who knew?
Sorry, wrong shop. You need the grocery store down the road.
You want me to buy Cigarettes in the Oblong Box sold in a grocery store? Well, sh!t on that plan, man. Damn.
Now, tell me theys still sellin' these cancer sticks at local gas stations... right? ...and the lighter fluid too! Right? I git 'em there instead.
Look. Ah don't need no stinkin' grocery clerk geek a gawkin' at me. Ya see, now. Itell youse a secret but... shhhhhhh... cuz i'm a wanted man.
*pulls out a pint of liquor from coat pocket, takes a long slug*
Them Fire Marshals been goin' round sayin' i'm the interstate arsonist.
*sniffs air*
Smells rael goooood in 'ere! Maybe ya can fire me up a peetzer there, mister.
Do you have Eckie-Ecola? My friend wanted some.
The proprietor starts hearing a faint whispering in the back of his head.
"Finally! I have built up immunity to those drugs! Ick. So disgusting. Do you even know what they put in that stuff?"
Gas station? Sure, they'll sell you flammable stuff there alright. Gas station sounds like it could be your place. And I doubt you'll see the grocery clerk there.
Now pizza. Let me guess - BBQ for you?
Eckie-Ecola? Hang on
*He gets a bottle of Eckie-cola from the fridge, then scrawls in an extra "E" with a marker pen
Here you are. Eckie-Ecola.
Damn, I need more of those pills
Well I guess I'll take it. It's not like the flavor's any different.
Children love having imaginary friends. Never the adults.
Nevah evah guess if it come ta dis pizza - dats why i comin' in here. Par-baked pepperoni, large.
*presents paper coupon with Dominion logo and a QR code good for one large pizza with one topping, exp date 12/31/2022*
Hello Sir, you might want to not use that. It's expired and he tends to be very mean. Whenever he hears me he starts taking drugs so as not to. He's very mean.
Some of you may struggle with this decision!
Mushrooms or Pineapple on your pizza?
In our third Pizza Playoff, we said "adiós chorizo - you're nasty", and "chicken tandoori - namaste"
Sir? ..who da hell is you spreaking too?
Great. Two dollars please. Cash or card?
Umm... I'm speaking to this customer who wants cola? It's not like there is anyone else here but the three of us.
Now, let's see this token.
*The proprietor scrutinises the paper and tries to read the small print*
To the Retailer: This token can be redeemed blah blah blah face it, your eyesight isn't good enough to read text this small.
*Sighs*
Yeah, I guess it's good. One large pepperoni coming up.
Loudly enters the region
F*** pineapples
*starts shooting the employee who puts pineapples on and the pineapple delivery driver*
Do you accept gemstones? I generally don't carry cash.
*Laughter fills the proprietor's head.*
I never realized your eyesight was that bad!
I'm speaking to you. No one else can hear me. It's the benefit of being a disembodied voice.
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