Antarctic OasisBoard

The Imperial Provinces of Exxosia (Ilrhahaazn Phurgarziath urwa Exxosï) is a country in Antarctica consisting of thirteen provinces, one capital territory, and four autonomous entities. Occupying the majority of Marie Byrd Land in West Antarctica, it is predominantly bordered by Omigodtheykilledkenny to the East and the Southern Ocean.

The establishment of the Imperial Provinces of Exxosia is traditionally dated to 14 June 2211, which is celebrated annually as Foundation Day. It has a long history of armed neutrality — it has not been in a state of war internationally since 2231 – and refuses to acknowledge the World Assembly to this day. It pursues a principled stance of non-interventionism and moderate isolationism. Exxosia is also home to the second largest baby punting operation in the Inner Solar System, second only to Martian Baby Punting League.

On the Antarctican level, it is a founding member of the Antarctican Free Trade Association and is part of the Shekelbonk Area – although it is notably not a recognized member of either.

Exxosia comprises multiple linguistic and cultural regions. Therefore, the Exxosians, although predominantly Exxosi-speaking, do not form a nation in the sense of a common ethnic or linguistic identity; rather, the strong sense of identity and community is founded on a common historical background, shared values such as voluntarism, and Antarctic symbolism.

Exxosia has a high nominal wealth per adult (financial and non-financial assets) in the world according to various studies that are entirely not made up. However, Exxosia is also one of the least expensive countries in the world to live in, despite its extreme climate, due to the efficiency of the dome infrastructure, focused regulation, lack of cronyism, low taxes, and high rate of competition.

Exxosian citizens have a widely varied life expectancy as citizens are largely left to govern their own lives. The government's sole role in the healthcare industry is the manufacturing of medications to achieve the lowest possible costs, with a multiple-tier pricing system that allows common medications to effectively subsidize the cost of rare or otherwise egregiously expensive medications.

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Etymology

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Exxosia is named in honor of it founders in the line of the House of Exxos.

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History

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Exxosia "seceded" from the United Kingdom, New Zealand, France, Norway, Australia, Chile, Argentina, Russia, and the United States after Antarctica's glaciers melted mostly away due to runaway political global warming. When a land rush occurred, numerous settlements allied under the command of Exxos von Steamboldt II and, with the assistance of the Kingdom of Penguinstan, repelled the external forces and brought the Exxosï-Penguinstani Union into being.

The Exxosï-Penguinstani Union was beset by multiple forces from without and within as various powers attempted to conquer or otherwise destabilize the Antarctic continent's nations. Eventually a force led by the remnants of the United States, Southern Argentina, and Nova Rus managed to turn the Penguinstanis against the Exxosians and bring about the Tsch'kar Regime Tribunal, named after Julian Tsch'kar, the de facto intermediate governor of the International Mandate of Antarctica.

Under the Tsch'kar Regime Tribunal, Antarctica saw numerous tragedies, ecological disasters, and mass extermination of the populations – the penguinstani and Drahknaran populations being reduced by nearly 97%. The original nations of the Exxosï-Penguinstani Union were allowed token seats in the Tsch'kar Regime Tribunal's parliament through this period.

During the transitional period between the Tsch'kar Regime Tribunal and the House of Exxos Empire, Exxos von Steamboldt IX locked the doors to parliament after chucking a number of incendiary grenades in. However, due to a misreading of the Thombobulan on the crate of grenades, they were not incendiary as much as aphrodisiac (the Thombobulan translated as "fire them up," you can see where that's going) and the entire parliament broke out in an orgy. The final effect was a massive vote of no confidence from the people, that in turn led to the House of Exxos consolidating power, but it was still immensely embarrassing.

Numerous wars later – including The Bloodbeast War, in which an experimental lifeform escaped from a research lab that, while it only took two guys and a hoveround mobility scooter to take down, the resulting flood of 25 billion gallons of blood was quite a liberal application of ichor to the area to say the least – Exxosia rose from the ashes as a habitat-dome-strewn country locked in ice and corndog batter.

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Flags and Standards

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Flag of Exxosia
The Flag of Exxosia features a stylized silhouette of an Exxosian Void Hawk – the national animal – looking over a field of stars symbolizing Exxosia's thirteen provinces. The white Void Hawk symbolizes purity, strength, and self-reliance as well as voluntary nurturing (Void Hawk's are fierce protectors of their broods and allies in the wild and dutiful companions in domestication). The four-pointed stars symbolizing each province stand for the four purposes of their function. The black background of the stars symbolize the long, antarctic season of no sunlight and how it is only when things are darkest do people shine their brightest. The red background behind the Void Hawk symbolizes both the blood spilt and the breaking dawn of a new era of peace for all citizens.

The three red stripes symbolize passion, charity, and tolerance. The three black stripes symbolize self-determination, liberty, and advancement in all things. Their color was chosen not out of direct meaning, but as a clean definition between the black and red background regions.

Flags of Subnational Entities
Flag of Exxosia Central Province

Exxosia Central Province's flag features colors matching the national flag with a stylized silhouette of an Exxosian Void Hawk above an icon of a dome over a black star symbolizing the Great Dome and Exxosia Central City within it.

Flag of Exxosia Western Province
The flag of Exxosia Western Province features a large, partial, white stylized silhouette of an Exxosian Void Hawk along the left side on a yellow background with an opposing, black stripe. The yellow and black coloring dates to when Exxosia Western Province was the Anarchic Domain of Rurhad-Pengua and symbolizes the Anarcho-Capitalist philosophy that still has strong roots in the province.

Flag of Exxosia Eastern Province
The flag of Exxosia Eastern Province features a stalk of wheat between two vertical, blue bands on a white background. This symbolizes the fertile agricultural lands nestled within the sub-glacial Agro-domes of the Province fed by the River Uq'tab and the River Chekeriæs.

Flag of Brak
The flag of the autonomous city-state of Brak features a white sun and moon on a blue background symbolizing Brak's connection to the ocean and their long heritage of fishing at all times. The top of the flag features a white chevron with a red ship's wheel that, in d'Braki culture, symbolizes a place of honor and the lives of those lost at sea.

Flag of the Hupu Tribal Zone and Monkey Storage Unit
The flag of the Hupu Tribal Zone and Monkey Storage Unit has long been a point of contention within the Empire and has undergone over 600 incarnations due to various calls of racism, misogyny, monkey abuse, and dendrophilia. The current flag symbolizes monkeys, radioactivity, and that it belongs to Exxosia. The brown background symbolizes the great mountains of radioactive monkey feces that fertilizes the continent's agricultural pursuits and the feces-like personalities of the native Hupu tribes.

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Geography

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Positioned largely south of the Antarctic Circle, Exxosia dominates the bulk of Marie Byrd Land in West Antarctica in a post sea-level rise world.

About 58% of Exxosia is covered by remnants of the Antarctic ice sheet, a sheet of ice averaging at least 1.6 km thick. The country has about 5% of the world's ice (and thereby about 3.75% of the world's fresh water). The sea level rise of about 40m during the last century can be largely traced to the lost mass of the Antarctic ice sheet. In most of the interior of the country, precipitation is very low, down to 20 mm (0.8 in) per year; in a few "blue ice" areas precipitation is lower than mass loss by sublimation and so the local mass balance is negative. In the dry valleys, the same effect occurs over a rock base, leading to a desiccated landscape.

Urtga nuk'veh Nos'niv, formerly known as Vinson Massif, is the highest peak in Exxosia at 4,892 m (16,050 ft). Exxosia contains many other mountains, on both the main continent and the surrounding islands.

Provinces and Subdivisions
The Imperial Provinces of Exxosia comprises 18 subdivisions:

Thirteen provinces:
(1) Exxosia Central Province
(2) Exxosia Western Province
(3) Exxosia Eastern Province
(4) Exxosia Northern Province
(5) Exxosia Southern Province
(6) Kumaroh Province
(7) Hoen Province
(8) Basho Province
(9) Nektah Province
(10) Sho Gorah Province
(11) Ortuuz Province
(12) Kenaal Province
(13) Braro Province

One Capital Territory:
(14) Exxosia Central City Arcology Zone

Four Autonomous entities:
(15) Fragglestan (semi-autonomous enclave within Kumaroh Province)
(16) Drahknara Republic
(17) Brak
(18) Hupu Tribal Zone and Monkey Storage Unit

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Government and politics

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The Imperial Provinces of Exxosia is an Imperial Provincial Polyanarchy. In Exxosia, the individual is held as the smallest, and most important, sovereign unit. However, in the interests of national cohesion, there is a minimal state composed of nearly autonomous communities under the rule of a mostly hands-off Emperor.

The Emperor's primary task is judging if a given law or regulation aligns with the principles of voluntarism and non-aggression. The Emperor may review and nullify laws and regulations at any level at any time.

Legislation is enacted through a multiple-stage process where individuals form groups with a common goal that are brought before the locally-selected arbitrators. If these arbitrators agree fully that the given law or regulation aligns with the principles of voluntarism and non-aggression, they may apply it locally and further send it onward for approval by the Provincial Arbitrators. If it passes the Provincial Arbitrators, it may be applied throughout the province and further be sent onward to the Emperor for review. If it passes the Emperor, it is applied throughout Exxosia; if it fails to pass the Emperor, it is struck down in its entirety on all levels.

All sapients are given equal rights within Exxosia except for political freedoms for dolphins. Dolphins are not allowed to hold political office or vote because they try to legalize horrible things.

In Exxosia, politicians must be 24 years old or older; with exemption down to 13 if they can pass the early Affirmation of Majority tests, absolutely do not want to be in politics at all, have no history of alliance with a political party, and must have passed the basic reading, writing, and math qualifications.

Exxosians have the right to vote at the age of 24 and can take aptitude/comprehension testing to gain the right as young as 13. Voting is optional.

The Emperor
The position of Emperor of Exxosia is a semi-hereditary role. Those who have passed rigorous training and testing may apply to become members of the Exxosian Advisory Council, the primary analysis and advising network for the Emperor. From this council, which often has a high number of members of the House of Exxos within it due to unavoidable power concentration and hence the semi-hereditary role, the Emperor grooms a number of successors, gradually reducing the number to three heirs-apparent. When the Emperor passes, his first choice assumes the mantle of Emperor. If the new Emperor passes or abdicates within five years, the second choice assumes the mantle of Emperor. If the second choice passes or abdicates within five years, the third choice ascends to the throne. If the third choice passes or abdicates within five years, a special election is held amongst the entirety of the members of the Exxosian Advisory Council and the people vote through an instant run-off method to select a new set of three Emperors for the sequence to begin again.

After the Emperor has established themselves after five years, they take on the honorific name of Exxos von Steamboldt in sequence. There are no special naming conventions, rules, or allowances for female or transgender Emperors.

Political Parties and Unions
Political groups are discouraged from forming in the first place. Business groups are discouraged from growing beyond a local scale. Unions are only allowed within specific districts or businesses. Basically it is all intended to keep special interest minorities from forming and subjugating the people.

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Law

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Sexual Services
Prostitution is legal in Exxosia with certain rules: All prostitutes servicing foreigners must be 24 years of age, all establishments with three or more prostitutes in their employ must have all personnel trained in first aid, all establishments with ten or more prostitutes in their employ must have a dedicated medical employee – typically a registered nurse, all establishments must provide routine health checks, all independent sexual service providers must keep routine health checks, all sexual service providers must keep log books in the event of disease incident, and a sexual services establishment cannot operate within 2km of a lower tier educational facility (Grades 1 through 14).

Human Sacrifice
Human sacrifice is legal in Exxosia provided that the sacrificial subject goes through all the legal issues, paperwork, and proves consent, they are free to be sacrificed. The death is classified as Suicide by Spiritual Activities.

Clown Executions
Clowns are hunted down and slaughtered brutally. Their extant family is also inhumanely euthanized to make sure the clownish taint does not spread.

Recreational Drugs
All drugs are legal to consume in Exxosia. Social pressures tend to keep most drug use to a minimum as being seen to be under the influence to a compromised degree is a cultural taboo. The most common drugs are alcohol and methamphetamines due to their ease of manufacture. Other drugs tend to be prohibitively expensive due to importation costs and are usually seen as special occasion substances or those of the wealthy.

Most drugs require comprehensive licensing to distribute and sell to assure the quality and relative safety of the substances.

Right To Bear Arms
Exxosians are allowed unlimited access to arms (arms being defined as any weapon that can be carried by a single person, not inclusive of explosives or incendiaries). Exxosians may apply for licenses for all other weapons that do not pose large area dangers (no biological weapons, no poison gases, incendiaries and explosives below a quantity tied to type, and no nuclear weapons). Our surplus main battle tanks are popular amongst hunters and sportsmen.

Right To Peacefully Assemble
The right to peacefully assemble is almost entirely unfettered with the sole exemption of notification for planned gatherings in excess of 1,000 people. If a group is planned to be in excess of 1,000, they have to contact the fire department, police, and hospitals within 10 miles of the intended place of gathering for reasons of public safety. No authorization is required for a gathering of any scale.

Free Speech
Exxosian citizens have essentially limitless free speech. Exxosian Press and Media must provide truthful and accurate presentation of facts, including sources. Fictional accounts/programs must air/feature the Exxosian Ministry of Cultural Affairs Fiction Icon.

Discrimination
Exxosians are free to discriminate against anyone or anything they please. It is the nation's policy that societal pressure should show discriminators that they should stop being assholes instead of passing legislation that only breeds more hate and resentment.

Marriage
All forms of marriage are legal in Exxosia and carry absolutely no forms of benefit from the State.

Public Nudity
On the national level, nudity is legal in all situations except food service employees and medical facility employees. Businesses also have full rights to dictate their stances on nudity within their establishments, whether that is mandating clothing for employees or refusing service to nudists or anything between.

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Economy

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Primary Imports and Exports
Primary Imports: Blood (Human: Medical Transfusion Grade), Zeppelin Parts, Chinchilla Meat, Potatoes, and Cocktail Umbrellas.

Primary Exports: Love-Droids, Piñatas Filled With Angry Wasps, Celebratory Crotch Gourds, Broken Rubix Cubes, and Viking Helmets.

Minimum Wage
The minimum wage in Exxosia is that employers have to pay employees. Due to the Exxosian Xosar being broken into thousandths, this would equate the minimum wage to ʓ0.001 per cycle.

Taxation
Exxosia only has modest sales and fuel taxes. Sales taxes are used wholly for governmental use and fuel taxes wholly for transportation infrastructure use. Income taxes are banned on all levels and Exxosia is often hesitant to allow trade with countries that allow it.

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Transportation

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Air Transportation
Exxosia does not have any airlines, private or state-run. Visitors can fly into one of two coastal ports, Qivaak or Kumarona, and then take any of of the nation's high-speed rail options throughout the country.

Ground Transportation
A vast, high-speed rail system criss-crosses the nation, running largely underground in most areas due to environmental conditions. The rail lines are divided into four, parallel lines with regular interchanges available. Of these four lines, one is dedicated to commercial freight, one to passenger travel, one mixed, and one for government, military, rail maintenance, and emergency uses.

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Demographics

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People
Exxosians are seen typically as self-absorbed and anti-social, but this is simply because they don't like to harass or trouble people – a natural extension of non-aggression principle to personal space and social interaction. In comfortable situations, Exxosians are actually very friendly and warm.

Language
Exxosi is the official language of Exxosia and the best-known member of the Quarn-Boha language family. The number of speakers across all its dialects is estimated to be over five billion, including the vast majority of the residents of Exxosia and many of Exxosian expatriates. In Exxosia, the Exxosï'tung dialect, written in Exxosian script (and, at times, in Latin for social networking and worldwide access), is predominant.

Exxosi has vowel harmony and a complex syllabic structure for a Quarn-Boha language that allows clusters of up to three consonants syllable-finally. It is a typical agglutinative language that relies on suffix chains in the verbal and nominal domains. While there is a basic word order, subject–object–predicate, ordering among noun phrases is relatively free, so grammatical roles are indicated by a system of about eighteen thousand grammatical cases and emphatic hand gesturing. There is a constantly expanding and shifting number of voices. Verbs are marked for voice, aspect, tense, and epistemic modality/evidentiality. In sentence linking, a special role is played by converbs and protonounjectives.

Modern Exxosi evolved from "Violent Quarn-Boha", the language spoken by the drunken and insane demonic beings with sucking chest wounds that dwell within the twisted hollows of the pocket dimensions. In the transition, a major shift in the vowel harmony paradigm occurred, long vowels developed, the case system was slightly reformed, and the verbal system was restructured creatively for no apparent reason.

Pursuant to Section 84 of the Exxosian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the Imperial Official Language Act, Exxosi is given official language status.

Due to the wide variety of immigrants to Exxosia, citizens of less than five years have the right, where there is sufficient demand, to receive federal government services in their language of origin, and regional language minorities are guaranteed their own schools in all provinces.

There are eight regional language groups, composed of more than twenty distinct dialects. Of these, only the Drahknaran, d'Braki, and the Penguin (most notably Pengu and Penguinjî) languages have a large enough population of fluent speakers to be considered viable to survive in the long term.

Several aboriginal languages have official status in various Provinces; Fragglese in Kumaroh Province, Hupudan in Braro Province, and Drahknaran in Kenaal Province.

Religion
Organized religion has been banned throughout Exxosia as it has been found to be largely harmful even in its most benign forms. Personal faiths are allowed, but proselytizing is forbidden.

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Culture

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Cuisine
Exxosia has a largely artificial ecology, relying heavily on habitation domes and coastal areas for food production. Exxosia's primary meats are violently procured from penguins and various seafoods such as fish and squid of the Southern Ocean. Modest beef and chinchilla meat production is bolstered by minimal trade with other nations. Exxosia's plant matter largely consists of dome-grown vegetables, such as the most coveted potato, and seaweeds.

As with Exxosia's national animal, the Exxosian Void Hawk, many of Exxosia's game meats are the products of genetic engineering leading to a "realm of the avians" meets "jurassic park" theme as Exxosia has not only resurrected many New Zealand avians, but pseudo-saurian traits have been unintentionally triggered in some populations – most notably in the Titan Tyrannopenguin, a 1.4 meter tall, semi-arboreal, heavy-beaked, opposable-thumbed penguin.

Exxosian cuisine in preparation is an eclectic mix of American, Japanese, Australian, New Zealander, Argentinian, Chilean, Russian, British, and French influences owing mostly to the original territorial conditions of the continent. Street foods are common in the capital as zoning within the arcology makes the operation of smaller restaurants prohibitive throughout most of the arcology's mass.

Music
The Music of Exxosia has reflected the multi-cultural influences that have shaped the country. Aboriginals and disparate nations have all made contributions to the musical heritage of Exxosia. The country has produced its own composers, musicians and ensembles since the mid-2200s. From the 23rd century onward, Exxosia has developed a music infrastructure that includes chamber halls; conservatories; academies; performing arts centers; record companies; radio stations, and television music-video channels. Exxosian ultrarock has had a considerable impact on the development of modern popular music, pornography, psychological warfare, and the development of the most popular sub-genres of cheese worship.

Patriotic music in Exxosia is nearly unheard of.

Music broadcasting in the country is largely unregulated aside from that, like all other media, fictional accounts/programs must air/feature the Exxosian Ministry of Cultural Affairs Fiction Icon. The Exxosia Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences presents Exxosia's Music Industry Awards, a small certificate that permits the recipient to get out of being smacked upside the head at a future date.

Holidays
The Imperial Provinces of Exxosia's biggest national holiday is the Great Walk. On the 100th day of the Exxosian year, enemies of the people are gathered at the Val'nuq Gates of the capital and given the choice to walk across the barren, frigid wastes to Outpost 1. Anyone who survives the Great Walk, is executed painlessly, their bodies thrown to the tyrannopenguins and void hawks, and their families are spared. It's very festive.

Sports
The national sports of Exxosia are narwhal barbecuing and full-contact scrabble. The most popular outdoor activity is tactical nuclear penguin hunting.

Funerary protocols
When the Emperor passes, no music of any sort is played until the new Emperor ascends, at which point citizens are encouraged to play their favorite music gradually rising in volume throughout coronation day. It is called the Day of the Rising Hearts.

When lesser entities of state are laid to rest, the songs of their choosing are played.

Military funerals begin with the Exxosian National Anthem, the anthem of the chapter of the military in which they belonged, and then the songs of their choosing are played.

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See Also

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It may seem odd to the casual observer that there exists a nation of naturalists in the Antarctic. Most tourists cannot fathom how a nation in such a cold climate can walk around without clothing (this is a good thing because they generally stop their inquiries at this point and never get to the point where we still think tourists tase great, especially with BBQ sauce).

So let us address the first problem. Let us consider an astronaut in space. When an astronaut leaves the spaceship to the vacuum of space, what does he or she wear? A suit and a tie perhaps? No, he or she wears an environmental space suit. They do not walk around their spaceship and space stations in those space suits, do they? The extreme conditions of space not only require such protective gear, but it also generally means that they do not tend to casually walk into space often.

It is important to understand that the weather in Antarctica is extremely cold, often well below the freezing point of water (especially when wind chill factors are considered). In the cities, buildings are directly connected to each other. In the suburbs, housing units will have “docking ports” to allow a person to go from the environmental protection of their van to the environmental protection of the buildings. The cities and suburbs are more designed like a “Moon Base Alpha” than a conventional city.

So given the extreme nature of the outside weather, consider the environmental impact of sustaining an environment comfortable for several layers of clothing as opposed to no layers of clothing. Just because it is cold outside does not mean you cannot be tropical inside. Both temperature and humidity are designed for the optimal conditions for the naked human body.

There are exceptions to every rule. The first exception is environmental suits, clearly needed to walk outside. Bullet resisting vests are most logical for enforcers of the law. Athletes will often have necessary protection pads as well. Just because we are totally naked does not mean we are totally stupid. Besides, it makes the military and law officers easier to spot.

The biggest worry tourists have in the Totally Naked Fraternity is the loss of “ID.” The notion of “papers please” just smacks of third world totalitarian dictators and we much prefer the first world kind. Everyone has (or can obtain) a biometric identification profile allowing a simple palm print to vouch for a person’s identity. As a result, we are a cashless society. There is little need to carry things because everything can be ordered online and delivered to your door. Cloud based systems allow you to access the web from any kiosk located in the cities. If you do need to carry small things, technically “fanny packs” do not count as clothing. Neither do backpacks. Few natives have need of such things so using them is a clear indication that you are a tourist (and potentially very tasty).

On the flip side, hot tubs are everywhere. They are about as common as bars. Sonic showers, air dryers, it is amazingly easy to always be clean in the Totally Naked Fraternity. In addition, the environmental impact of not having to process millions of gallons of detergent filled wastewater because of washing clothes has been a major boom to the economy and the environment.

To conclude being totally naked in the Antarctic is no different than being totally naked on Moon Base Alpha, or on the NX-01 Enterprise (admit it, you only watched that show because of all the scenes in the decontamination rooms). Us Werepenguins are all used to it and it makes the tourists much easier to spot. (You know if you wore less clothing you might be motivated to exercise more as well; that flab is not good for your long-term health.)

As the words of our “second national anthem” states …