by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Advertisement

31

DispatchBulletinOpinion

by Eat pant. . 421 reads.

All MLB Mascots Ranked Worst to Best

Mascots, Everybody Loves Em.

Some even say their the best part of baseball!

Well, atleast somebody said that at one point, idk.

Anyways, hereís my opinion on every MLB mascot ranked from worst to best.

IN MY TOTALLY UNBIASED OPINION!

Number 30 Is The Angels With Rally Monkey.

YES, he is a real monkey, but he isnít the actual official mascot, and doesnít even go on the field.

Heís just shown on the Jumbotron sometimes when the angels are losing to give the players good luck.

So thatís why heís the last at my list.

Itís still pretty interesting how they got a uniform on a monkey though.

Number 29 is The Dodgers.

The reason their here is because they have ANOTHER unofficial mascot.

He actually doesnít even have a name, and heís just a guy in a dodgers uniform.

Actually, Iím sorry, heís not considered a mascot, heís considered a ďunique performance character.Ē

yeah, TOTALLY not a mascot.

LOS ANGELES WANTS A MASCOT SO BAD THAT ONE TIME A GUY DRESSED UP AS A BEAR, JUMPED ON THE DUGOUT, STARTED DANCING

and got arrested..

poor bear

Number 28 is the New York Yankees.

Their mascot isnít around anymore, so their isnít much pictures about him.


His name is Dandy.

Get it? Like Yankee Doodle Dandy?

*ba-dum-tiss* 🥁

Ö

I DIDNíT COME UP WITH THAT JOKE, OKAY!?

He also has a Mustache, which makes no sense due to the No Mustache Policy the Yankees have.

and it to turns out Dandy is a bird.

i give up 😭

Although if this mascot still existed, Iíd like him.

Number 27 is the Mets with Mr. Met


Now, Mr Met is very Popular, and in most rankings heís put towards the top, Iím not sure why though.

Heís just a baseball head, heís not that funny, and he came up with the same ideas many other mascots came up with.


Or maybe those mascots copied Mr Met.

Whatever.

Im too lazy to check.

Either way, theyíre not that good ideas.

And thereís also Mrs. Met

Ö

GYATTTTTT- i mean uh..

Sheís another baseball head, and is a little funny, but not too funny.

womp womp

but their still a pretty nice couple

Number 26 is the Orioles.

And moving past the fact that I HATE the orioles with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!

Their mascot is an.. oriole bird.

duh

I mean, it makes sense, it would be weird if it was something else.

And itís the only mascot thatís head is the official logo.

But itís name isÖ

The Oriole Bird.

If youíre making such an uncreative mascot, atleast make a creative name.

It should be something likeÖ

Well, Iím not the one whose job it is to come up with names for the oriole mascot.

But whoeverís job it is though that they hired to come up with the name for the mascot should be fired IMMEDIATELY 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

So anyways..

wait what does that flag say?

ďOrioles division championsĒ?

EWWW

how old is that photo??

Number 25 is the Texas Rangers with Captain Ranger.


Wait- itís rangers captain?

You gotta be kidding me! Captain Ranger sounds so much better..

Okay.. anyways, heís a horse..

Thatís it.

Heís pretty funny, but you donít hear much about him.

hereís him doing funny stuff


Number 24 is the Cardinals with Fredbird!


So his name is Fred and heís a bird..

His name is Fred and heís a birdÖ

And yeah.

his name is fred and heís a bird

Now, I dug deeper into Fredbird and realized that ďFredbirdĒ is a play on Redbirds, a nickname for Cardinals. (also the name of their AAA affiliate in memphis.Ē

Besides that, heís not really that funny, he just walks around, and just dances and eats people

Now thatís a little funny, but not TOO funny, knowing some Mascots do the exact same thing.

Thereís also the Rally Squirrel.

I also dug deeper for the Rally Squirrel, and it turns out how it originated was when a Squirrel ran on the field during the 2011 NLDS.

But I find it pretty stupid, knowing people can smuggle squirrels into the ballpark and put them on the field.

Some other teams stole that idea too.

The tigers have Rally Goose, The Royals have Rally Cat and the Nats have rally Pigeon.

What should the Orioles have..

Like rally Bigfoot?

:O

When Bigfoot walks onto the field, THEN the Orioles will start doing well.

Number 23 is the Detroit Tigers with Paws.


First of all, his costume isnít very elaborate, as if they were like ďwe need a mascot!Ē so they ran to the thrift store and bought a tiger costume.

He did used to have a very active twitter account though.

He posted stuff outta there like every day!

but THIS GUY GETS PAID TO DRESS UP AS A TIGER, SIT IN A AIR CONDITIONED ROOM AND TWEET

I WANT YOUR JOB

im just kidding though, he posted some pretty funny tweets, but he should spend more time being funny on the field than on the internet.

Number 22 is the Blue Shjays! Muy gosh it sure is fon to talk like this!


(pretend im using a canadian accent)

Their mascots name is Ace! And at furst youíre like ďoh, heís coolĒ! But then, things about him donít make any sense!

Like what are those, pants?

Last time oi checked, Blue Jays dont woear ripped pants!

And you would think the logo would look a little like the Mascots head, NO! They look nouthing alike!

There was also Ace Junior, which is just like Ace but just a Little Bit Shorter and Stumpier..

There used to be a female version of him named Diamond, but they got rid of her..

Damn misogynists..

Anyway, his name is Ace, just like Ace Pitcher.. and thereís gambling down there.

But itís pretty sad how you realize how much people lose their money betting on this team!

Number 21 is the cubs with Clark The Cub!


Hereís a little song I made up!

Stop cubs Stop! Stop Cubs Stop! Hey Chicago Whaddya say! Cubs are gonna lose today!

If you donít already know,

I HATE the cubs.

Even if I did like the cubs though, their mascot is still pretty mid.

They donít got the power they donít got the spee-ed!

nana na

Their gonna be the worst in the National League!

duh uhnun nuh nuh nuh

This isnít the year that the cubs are i i-n!

ah nanana nana

So donít come down to Wrigley Field!
nana nana

Stop Cubs Stop, Stop Cubs Stop! Somebody go grab a mop because Joe Madden just Threw up!

Clark doesnít try to be funny, he just takes picture with people.

Although I do like his sense of humor.

Number 20 is the Royals With Sluggerr..


i think he spelled it wrong

Compared to some mascots, thatís a hilarious pun!

Sluggerr.. isnít funny at all.

And SLUGGERRRís costume is lame, he just has a head and arms!

All Sluggerr does is just wave the flag when the Royals win.

Although I feel like the only thing cool about Sluggerr is just the crown built into his head.

i also think i have a baseball card that has Sluggerr on it

i do actually

i also have honus wagner

the one that costs 3 million dollars!!!

im just kidding it isnít worth anything

i dont want anyone breaking into my house for it lolol

Number 19 is the marlins with Billy T. Marlin.


he does look different now due to derek fricking jeter who bought the marlins a long time ago.

Before Derek Jeter

after derek jeter

Before Derek Jeter

after derek jeter

DEREK JETER, WHY MUST YOU GET RID OF EVERYTHING GOOD!

Derek Jeter: because i can >:D

Anyway, the NL East has some really good and Popular Mascots, but i feel like Billy is an exception.

he has a plastic head and these weird hands just gloves and shoes?

yeah they couldíve done a little better with than that

and the only thing heís pretty much know for is that time a warmup pitch hit a truck he was riding in

but i dont wanna make him sound terrible

heís okay




Number 18 is the Twins with T.C Bear.


Heís a bear because thereís bears in Minnesota i guess.

idk 🤷

but i feel like he totally copied clark the cubs design.

Or clark copied him??

Either way, both mascots arenít even that good.

I could think of a MILLION different mascots instead of T.C, like maybe he could have a twin or something? Yíknow, since their called the Minnesota Twins

So heís not really the best mascot

BUT

he did catch that baseball in his mouth one time

now that

thatís pretty impressive when youíre in a mascot head

so thatís why heís here

Number 17 is the San Francisco Giants With Lou Seal!


It makes sense that itís a seal because itís in San Francisco, and the mascot is pretty big because theyíre literally called the ďGiantsĒ.

Heís pretty funny, but not too funny where you can literally burst out laughing.

Like is it a boy named ďLoo SealĒ or a boy named ďLou sealĒ

like

WAAAUGHHH

but im gonna be flat out honest

i miss the crab

Number 16 is the Chicago White Sox With South Paw.


His name is Southpaw because itís the south side of Chicago or something.

But I have no clue what he is.

Is he like a monster or an alligator???

Im kind of on the fence here, so thatís why they go right here

speaking of the white sox, youíd think they would have WHITE SOCKS

but no

THEY WEAR BLACK SOCKS

THINGS LIKE THESE DRIVE ME CRAAAAZYYYYY

Number 15 is the Padres with the Swinging Friar!


they shouldíve kept the chicken though

the chicken was a way funnier mascot 😭

if they kept the chicken they would be higher on my list

BUTT 🍑

I gotta admit, the swinging Friar is pretty cool too

itís like this ďsinging friarĒ but itís the swinging friar

*ba-dum-tiss* 🥁

And in addition to that, heís unique.

Heís funny

Ö

and funny looking..

I still like him though.

Number 15 is the Mariners with Mariner Moose!


Heís a moose because thereís Mooses in Seattle i guess.

Itís Moose Not Mooses!

THATS WHAT I MEANT MOM

sheís an english teacher

but i like how the mariners mascot is a moose.

although i also feel like the mariners mascot should be something like a fish

yknow

because the mariners kinda sounds aquatic so i dont really know

maybe it can be a side mascot or something

either way i like the moose.

he has a fuzzy head, heís funny and wholesome



They did pull a Oriole Bird with that name though, whoever came up with it should be FI- wait did i already use that joke

Number 13 Is the Guardians/Indians with Slider.


The reason heís up here is NOT because i love the Indians the most, itís because heís funny.

And if youíre wondering what he is if youíre blind, heís a pink monster.

But is he ďSliderĒ like the pitch, or is he a ďSliiiderĒ?

*ba-dum-tiss* 🥁

aha im SO funny

although i WANNA hate this mascot, thereís nothing bad to say about him.

So you know what? Nevermind.

I love him.

They also have the Racing Hotdogs, why not?

Number 12 is the Athletics with Stomper.


First of all, the ďAthleticsĒ is the worst name for a team EVER.

And second off all, why is their Mascot an Elephant?

The Aís have always had an obsession over Elephants, it was in every logo and stuff.




WHAT THE HECK

their like the least athletic animal you can think of, they canít even jump!

But I like Stomper, heís funny.

And I mean, i dont not like stomper.

Either way, i like this mascot.

11 is the Rockies with Dinger!


Heís a purple triceratops because they found a lot of Dinosaur Fossils near there, and I just love this mascot.



Why you may ask?

i just do

Heís wholesome and funny, and also cute.

Time for the top 10.

Number 10 is the Diamondbacks!


First weíve got Baxter the Bobcat.

Some people think itís kinda weird theyíre called the Diamondbacks when their mascot is a Bobcat.


well probably it would be kind of hard to make the mascot a snake when they donít even have arms or legs.

But I think heís cool, and he does actually do some funny stuff.

And he also Harasses the players, which not much mascots do.

They also have the Luchador, hes kinda creepy so Iím just gonna ignore him.

They also have the racing legends!

Theyíre kinda full of themselves, but I like the idea.

Itís Luis Gonzalez, Matt Williams, Randy Johnson and Mark Grace.

Theyíre kind of cool to watch.

And I like the fact how each of them have different Diamondbacks uniforms so you can tell which one is which from each era.

Number 9 is the Reds!

Now, thereís a few mascots the reds have.

First, they have Mr. Red, remind you of anybody?

Then they have Rosie Red.

And Mr. RedLegs..

And Gapper!

A red monster.

I mean, why not?

They are the reds, why not have a red monster as one of their mascots?

I like the fact how itís a whole family of mascots.

And best of all, they race!

Yep, the reds have good mascots!

By the way, i know what i was saying about baseball heads, but i was referring to Mr. Met.

Mr. Met is different.

Number 8 is the Tampa Bay Rays with Raymond!


Iíve always liked Raymond, you might think it would be kind of hard to make a ray into a mascot when rays arenít fluffy and donít have arms or legs.

But you can still tell what heís supposed to be.

I like Raymond, heís one of my top ones

The Rays also have DJ Kitty

Nothing says Tampa Bay like a DJ Cat!

Heck, im a cat Person!

wait whereís my pet cat

GARFIELD NO DONT MESS WITH THAT

NOOO-

Number 7 is the Pirates.


They used to have Captain Jolly Roger, but my friend told me he didnít exist anymore.

So now their main mascot is pirate parrot.

Itís a green parrot who wears lipstick for some reason.

But thatís not who Iím talking about right now.

Iím talking about the RACING PIEROGIS!

Itís Cheese Chester!

JalapeŮo Hannah!

Sauerkraut Saul!

The Highly Intelligent Oliver Onion! 🤓

And My Personal Favorite, Bacon Burt!

Yep, theyíre one of the best racing mascots in baseball! Theyíre almost as good as the racing presidents, but not quite.

For a sponsor, itís very amusing!

Number 6 is the Nats with Screech Bird!


Now this mascot isnít the funniest, but is still pretty funny.

He has a birthday once in a while..

Puts on a rain coat when itís rainingÖ

And puts on pajamas when thereís an extra inning.

Which is understandable, knowing how much extra innings the Nats have to do knowing their defense is horrible.

But Screech isnít the only mascot Iíll be talking about here.

Im also gonna be talking about the RACING PRESIDENTS!

Packed with funny moments!

Packed with betrayal..

And many more!

Presidents Including!

George Washington! 👨‍🦳

Honest Abe! 😱

WHT! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Theodore Roosevelt! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

And last but not leastÖ

THOMAS JEFFERSON

BOOM, SMASH, CRASH! I LOVE THE RACING PRESIDENTS! PUT THEM AT NUMBER 6 ON MY LIST!

[sidebar]Number 5 is the Red Sox with Wally The Green Monster!


Since we all know the Green Monster in Left Field..

Their mascot is a..

You guessed it!

Green monster.

There was also Tessy the Green Monster..

And Righty and Lefty!

Yíknow.. since thereís the right and left of socks?

yeah those are some nice mascots

if i was a red sox fan

actually no i would never wanna be a red sox fan

either way their mascots are good

Number 4 is the Braves!

La, La-lalaÖ lalala.. lalala.. hmmm..

DAMN IT! I HATE IT WHEN I CATCH MYSELF SINGING THAT!

Now, the Braves have a brief history of Mascots.

Firstly they had ďChief Noc-A-Hama

That was pretty controversial, so they released a baseball head named ďHomerĒ.

Like ďHomer, The Free And The Brave!Ē

And around 5 years ago, they made the most recent mascot called Blooper.

Some people say heís a somewhat hybrid between Shrek, Beaker The Muppet and Odie From Garfield, while others believe he copied the Phillie Phanatic entirely.

idk, heís pretty funny.

Hereís a time where he asked Manny Machado for his Autograph, but was actually a check for 300 million bucks!



They also have the Freeze!

A Jamaican Track star who races fans in between innings, which is pretty easy for him, knowing half of the fans are drunk.

He gives the fan a head start, but always manages to catch up.


wow, canít beat the freeze.

such a good original idea

i think i can beat the freeze though

without a head start.

Theres also the Racing Tools, but I donít wanna get deep into that.

Number 3 is the Brew Crew!

They have a lot of mascots, but Iím starting with the nice and original Beer Barrel Man.

Other people think heís kind of lame, but I think hes cool.

Iíve always liked this mascot, hes very unique, and even if the Brewers JUST had beer barrel man, Iíd still put him towards the top.

But thereís more.

Like the racing sausages!

Itís a race between a Polish Sausage, an Italian sausage, a Hot Dog, a Chorizo and a Bratwurst.

And their so fun to watch!

But best of all is Bernie Brewer!

He goes down this huge slide above the stadium each time a brewer hits a home run.

gosh it would be SOO much fun to be bernie brewer

id get to go down that slide

the only hard part would be pretending to be happy when the brews win 😐

Number 2 is the Phillies, and I hope you know this one!

The Phillie Phanatic!

now i love the Phillies

and the reason i love the phillies is because of this goofy mascot

let me explain

He does some pretty crazy stuff.

Heís gotta be drunk.

He rides around on a tractor.

(dont attempt that)

He shoots hotdogs into the crowd.

And pours popcorn on Mets fans!

I LOVE IT ALL!!

wait..

im going to a mets gameÖ

Thereís also the Galapagos Gang.

They dance!

They scare away kids!

And they eat people!

Now all of that is pretty cool, but I donít get what Galapagos have to do with Philadelphia. 🤷‍♂️

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!

NUMBER 1 IS THE HOUSTON ASTROS WITH ORBIT!


HES SO FUNNY!

How is he funny you ask?

PFFT!

HOW IS HE NOT FUNNY!

Twin fight! >:D

Letís go Houston!


If only I was as funny as orbit..

If I had a life.

Wait, if I didnít have a life Iíd be dead.

nevermind!

Right in the kisser!

GeeÖ i could watch orbit videos all day!!

*passes out*

Mets factbook coming soon!

honorable mention: youppi!

Eat pant

Edited:

RawReport