by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Advertisement

20

DispatchAccountOther

by The No Love Without Pain of Thousand Branches. . 191 reads.

Farewell-ish

Quick edit: Yeah. I never did leave, did I? I mean. Kinda. The whole new identity thing was a bit of a wash though. Lol. Aaaanyway. This is still my main. Not here as often as I once was but I am here. Do with that what you wish.

I wrote a letter. I know it’s a mess but I didn’t have the energy tonight to heavily edit it so I hope it does a good enough job of getting the message across.

Hey there everyone!

I hope I find you all in good spirits. I have a sort of final announcement I’d like to make on this nation before I move on. I actually wrote this up once already and realized by the time I’d gotten to the end that I was already falling back into old habits. C’est la vie, we try again.

Let me attempt to simplify a lot of long, old, and convoluted thoughts of mine. I’ve been on NationStates nearly 3 years now. I was 15 when I joined. I was an inexperienced kid trying to find themself and in that moment when I was most lost, I attached to NationStates. And in these almost three years, I have changed myself over and over — countless nations, regions, monikers, personalities, flags, avatars, etc. My identity has become a convoluted mishmash of dozens and dozens of random things and I’ve realized these last few weeks how desperately I tried to find myself here, on an ancient, dilapidated online browser game.

In my defense, I have emerged as a different person, a better person I hope, but certainly a different one. Aramantha and all of her sister names have taught me endless things. I don’t write this to blame my younger self, I understand their pain and their motivations, but it’s high time for me to move on. As much as I wish I could, I cannot totally start over. I cannot travel back to 2019 and start my journey over with the knowledge I have today. I also cannot seek pure anonymity. I have discovered through today’s short experiment that I am not suited to it. I am not a guiltless liar and the idea of having to lie about myself every moment I remain on this game is one I cannot handle.

The best I can do now is write myself a new identity, one that is unapologetically me, without all the entrapments of my former years or the endless expectations I have placed upon myself. I don’t know how well I’ll be achieve this or who the person on the other end will look like, but I will venture to do my best.

This nation will remain alive solely for the sake of history and keeping The Grand updated. I will also continue to update the failed GA sheet as both of these are responsibilities I have taken upon myself that I don’t wish to shove onto someone else.

But beyond that, this is the final moment of Aramantha. I ask kindly that everyone respect that now and in the future. When I build myself new I will not hide who I am but I also do not wish to be Aramantha. Perhaps that is counterintuitive or simply another name change in a long series of them but for me this is the step I have to take to improve so it means a lot to me. Thank you all for your endless support these many years. I hope we meet again soon.

-A

RawReport