by Max Barry

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by The People's Republic of West Plavia. . 1 reads.

West Plavian Musician of the Year Competition

After a thrilling contest, the popular concert pianist James "Lightning Fingers" Joplin won this years title with a rapid rendition of Chopin's Waltz in E-Flat Major, thoroughly impressing the judges with the speed and dexterity of his playing. Critics say Joplin's playing is in fact so fast any mistakes are almost indecipherable, let alone the actual melody, but 92 year old head judge Ivan Ivanov Ivanovich, the world-renowned pianist and conductor provided the decisive points that secured his victory, though it should be noticed that some viewers claim to have seen his hearing aid fall off, and the nonagenarian was visibly confused and nervous when asked to give a score. Jazz pianist Chuck Corea was reportedly devastated at his loss after his wildly imaginative improvisations failed to secure the #1 spot, and he aims to win next year.

This dispatch was published by the West Plavian Ministry of Culture Music Committee