by Max Barry

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by The Avant-Gardist States of Surrealist Patagonia. . 90 reads.


The Falkland Governate

Capital City: Stanley
Population: 15,310
Currency: British pound
Type of Government: Parliamentary democracy
Head of State: Queen Elizabeth II
Head of Government: Margaret Thatcher
State Ideology: Conservative Democracy

The Falklands Governate is an overseas territory of the United Kingdom which is an archipelago located on the South Atlantic Ocean. It consists of the Falklands Island and South Georgia as well as Sandwich Island. Officially the Queen of Britain, Elizabeth II, is the ruler of this British dependency with Conservative Margaret Thatcher as its Governor. But in recent years as tensions arose in the Patagonian region has saw increased military deployment in the island through the SAS, Marines, and British Navy. Naval war exercises are regularly conducted in the South Atlantic Ocean and Patagonian refugees of Welsh origins accepted into the Falkland isle.

In addition to a flow of capital in the region which turned it from a quaint settlement into a what is basically a military outpost. With the economy growing thanks to foreign investment in relation with the military build-up of the island. Previously, the Falklands Island was a territory in the Spanish Empire until their settlers left. Then the British arrived to claim the territory as their own and recent years has saw British-Argentine-Patagonian relations deteriorating over ownership of the island. With both the Argentines and Patagonians calling it "Las Malvinas". There was nothing desirable about the isle; only sparse settlements, farmers, and sheep reside it. But it has grown over the years thanks to British capital and new houses, stores, industrial centers, and military bases were built throughout the island. In reaction to the Patagonian collapse; the British military had been deployed to keep the "peace" in the region. Right, center, and left-wing Futurists... all of them are the same for this reactionary Britain.

The Boys in Green Have Come...
to Stay for a While

Britain's glory days as an Empire has ended as Zimbabwe-Rhodesia gained international recognition on 1980. The sun has finally set in the British empire. Now Britain in the 60s and 70s is a mere husk and isolated from the European Economic Community (EEC). The popular Conservative Enoch Powell, who was elected in 1970 thanks to his "River of Blood speech", resigned in disgrace for his poor handling of the Aden Emergency and the Futurist Insurgency of the "Her Majesty's Most Damned Outcasts" (HMMDA) led by David Bowie himself under his "Thin White Duke" persona.

A Conservative government under Edward Heath on 1974 has continued his predecessor policies; free-market capitalist economics and promotion of Conservative values. But the Insurgency continues and an earlier Winter of Discontent in 1976-80 in reaction to job loss and wealth inequality has only exacerbated the situation. Drifting British society leftwards in a radical manner. However, the Falklands Island has remained in blissful peace and existence as the political situation in Britain deteriorates. Seemingly content with farming and tending to their livestock. Yet everything changed when Patagonia fell...

Margaret Thatcher

Conservative Margaret Thatcher is Britain's unlikeliest choice for Governor of the Falklands and she had managed to win the local elections as a sign that "Britain finally paid attention to the humble island". Before that, Thatcher had been a chemist and a secretary in the Edward Heath conservative government of 1974. She was notorious during her tenure as Secretary for Education and Science. She was criticized for the speed in which she enforced comprehensivisation (Circular 10/65) and 32-62% pupils dropped in attending comprehensive schools. Thatcher supported market forces affecting government funding of research in which she was criticized by her scientific colleagues.

However one particular taint on her career would have to be her ending free milk for school children in around early 1976 after her particular visit to a public school ended in disaster as she forcibly took away a child's "free milk" given by his teacher after the policy was enforced. Tabloids like the Daily Mirror and the Sun has likened her to a petty Saturday cartoon villain who made babies cry by taking away their candies. This was a PR disaster for the Heath government and Heath had Thatcher quietly "given an early retirement" to the Falklands Island. This had been done before as the US likewise given early retirements for Nixon to Iceland. "Out of sight, out of mind".

Margaret Thatcher as Governor

Thatcher as Governor of the Falklands knew little what to do with this backward island as locals were most resistant to her laissez-faire policies. But her chance to shine came on May 1976 after the Patagonian Missile Crisis which put the world nearly into war then the Shattered Mirror Incident that same month after Le Patron's death in the missile crisis. The Shattered Mirror incident saw Patagonia collapsing into many bickering states and this has left Falklands and the Patagonian Welsh community vulnerable. She lobbied for Parliament to get involved in the Patagonian Civil War but they were hesitant. Until they were convinced by Thatcher's rhetoric of "restoring the empire" considering the miserable state Britain is in. Thus she was able to get support from the British government for a Patagonian military operation and has appealed for Lockheed and BAE Systems to support the British military in the Falklands.

Enchanting the British mainlanders with promises of "restoring peace and democracy to Patagonia" and "defending the Welsh brothers" of the Chubut region; her initiatives to start a war against Patagonia has seen major success and rallied the British to unbelievable heights of post-war nationalism. She has accused of both Radek and Bataille of the Regency and Aristocracy that they possess chemical weapons as well as weapons of mass destruction. While casually keeping her lips shut about Prince Charles' involvement with Bataille's hedonistic clique.

Thousands of British SAS and Marines were deployed in the Falklands as well as bringing their families along with them. This has boosted the Falkland's economy and many recreational centers as well as shops, houses, and power stations were built with private investment. Thatcher introduced "Thatcherism" into the Falklands island by opening the island to the free market which resulted in the local agricultural economy being pushed aside to feed the British war machine in the island. Thatcher had allowed the military to perform war games in the island.

No doubt that Thatcher's policies has alienated a good portion of Falkland locals but it is counter-balanced by her support from the new mainland British settlers. Her policies supportive of the war industry and foreign companies have killed the local economy which sustained itself from Ma & Pa shops as well as agriculture as it wasn't competitive enough. British soldiers and settlers were favored more in job opportunities and management to make way for new people. Trade unions and labor rights were curtailed which she called them as "an invisible enemy and Marxist trojan horses". Then she privatized public services of the island.

Thatcher is ruling by buying time for "Operation Nimrod" against the Aristocracy to be commenced with a Royal Marine raid to Puerto Soleil. Britain did not put the Spanish Argentines or Mapuches into account and would have them economically subjugated under a Patagonian colony. Then in 1977, she became the ultra-secret "Secretary for Restoring the British Empire". She has worked with Galtieri in pacifying Patagonia with the false promise of returning Patagonia to North Argentina. Her relationship with Pinochet of Ancap Chile has been noted in squashing the communist threat of Allende's South Chile. Thatcher envisions Patagonia as the new British colony and the crown jewel after years of British hibernation in the isle.

But the question is "Is it really worth it to have British men die in grueling guerrilla warfare in Patagonia just to restore the Empire?".

Credit for the Epic Meme Goes to Socialist Communist States