Piratefest Exceeds All Expectations

Widgetalia's annual, month long Piratefest may be coming to an end for most, but a few just can't stop celebrating.

For the majority of us, Piratefest is four weeks of terrible home-made grog, eyepatches, piratespeak, and general nautical naughtiness that ends with no more than a terrible hangover, a parrot carcass to get rid of and the fading of henna tattoos. But for a hearty-har-har segment of the population it is a long-year lifestyle.

"Arrrg, I be a pirate through and through," said Mary Merry as she showed off four missing teeth, "I ain't so much as looked at a bit of fruit or a vegetable in four months, and the scurvy proves it! Lookit me gums, they be withered up right proper!"

Despite a comprehensive government program where various civil servants are allowed to slap the permanent pirates in the back of the head and exclaim "get over it, will ya, you idiot" while on breaks or off duty, many are undeterred from their lifestyle.

"They be slapping me noggin', arrrgg, but they ain't touching the black heart of a pirate," Harold Harrold commented resolutely.

"While it's not against the law, it is pretty stupid to act like a pirate all of the time," wrote this reporter.