The Conservative Commonwealth of Vacelber is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Axel V Burlington with an even hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 2.488 billion Vacelborans are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The relatively small, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Spirituality, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vacelbur City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 21.8%.

The powerhouse Vacelboran economy, worth 202 trillion Vacelbs a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 81,206 Vacelbs, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 296,261 per year while the poor average 15,806, a ratio of 18.7 to 1.

Official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless', small shoes often wash up on the beach, university graduates and new home-owners toil in labour camps to work off their debts, and the populace has developed a mortal fear of the woods. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. Vacelber's national animal is the Vacel boar, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Vacelbarianism.

Vacelber is ranked 57,274^th in the world and 3^rd in Useless for Most Patriotic, with 30.4 flags saluted per person per day.