The Free Land of Tristan Taormino is a gargantuan, efficient nation, renowned for its burgeoning Giraffe population. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 15.784 billion Tristan Taorminoans enjoy frequent elections, which are uniformly corrupted by big-spending corporations buying politicians who best suit their interests.

The relatively small, moralistic, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Welfare, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.8%.

The very strong Tristan Taorminoan economy, worth 861 trillion Platinums a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Furniture Restoration, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 54,583 Platinums, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 166,742 per year while the poor average 13,849, a ratio of 12.0 to 1.

Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Tristan Taormino's national animal is the Giraffe, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Tristan Taormino is ranked 200,065^th in the world and 375^th in Memeland United for Safest, scoring 41.71 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.