The People's Republic of The Crooked Beat is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Star Child with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, sprawling nuclear power plants, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 40.29 billion Crooked Beatians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Welfare, Social Policy, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and Law & Order receive no funds. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Crooked Beatian economy, worth an astonishing 11,429 trillion Pyramids a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 283,685 Pyramids, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Ministers browse Alright! magazine for fashion tips, when their backs are against the walls Crooked Beatians look out for gay men, politicians "baring all" for the camera isn't always a figure of speech, and an endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc. Crime is totally unknown. The Crooked Beat's national animal is the Unfunky UFO, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The Crooked Beat is ranked 209,055^th in the world and 12^th in A Modern World for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -3.1 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.