The Dominion of The Captain is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ubiquitous missile silos, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 46.903 billion Captainians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The minute, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government, or what there is of one, is solely concerned with Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Captain City. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Captainian economy, worth an astonishing 31,097 trillion TDU Credits a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Uranium Mining, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is a breathtaking 663,015 TDU Credits, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 6,210,744 per year while the poor average 5,956, a ratio of 1,042 to 1.

Colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation, a massive campaign is underway to ensure the race of The Captain remains pure, seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu', and major boxing matches are held in government buildings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. The Captain's national animal is the Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is a major religion.

The Captain is ranked 340,168^th in the world and 53^rd in Wysteria for Most Pacifist, with 1.27 cheeks turned per day.