The Dictatorship of The Bestest Thing is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Dictatorship McDictatorship Man with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, public floggings, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.735 billion Bestest Thingians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Industry, and Spirituality are also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The bestest city. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Bestest Thingian economy, worth a remarkable 1,267 trillion Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an amazing 339,349 Dollars, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,963,884 per year while the poor average 27,913, a ratio of 70.4 to 1.

A cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country, guide dogs for the blind have been seen using government websites, one of the nation's leading exports is empty platitudes, and adulthood begins with the creation of an email account. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Bestest Thing's national animal is the Deer, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is The bestest religion.

The Bestest Thing is ranked 14,353^rd in the world and 14^th in Astoria for Lowest Crime Rates, with 94.9 law-abiding acts per hour.