The Federal Republic of Tesco Aisle 17 is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Lord Tesco with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, public floggings, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 1.962 billion Tesconians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Garden City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 51.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Tesconian economy, worth 223 trillion Meal Deals a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Tourism, and Gambling. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 114,021 Meal Deals, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 334,073 per year while the poor average 30,695, a ratio of 10.9 to 1.

The might of the entire Tesconian Navy is focused on fifty bemused spear-throwing islanders, protests are legal but strictly supervised, a signed affidavit from a prominent anti-corruption advocate declares that she is in fact a crook after all, and Tesconians seem to be catching more chills. Crime is a problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Tesco Aisle 17's national animal is the Clubcard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Discountery.

Tesco Aisle 17 is ranked 197,133^rd in the world and 3,740^th in The North Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 554.28 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.