The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 80 is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Noah with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, complete lack of prisons, and disturbing lack of elderly people. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.713 billion Second Best Puppet 80ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 92.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 80ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,178 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 175,489 cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Genetic researchers have been expelled, rag-wearing teachers are often mistaken for homeless people, young people avoid opening doors for the elderly with impunity, and Noah can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 80's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Second Best Puppet 80 is ranked 6,724^th in the world and 6^th in Two for Lowest Crime Rates, with 109.47 law-abiding acts per hour.