The Armed Republic of Scalesburg is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Rodney Osborne with an iron fist, and notable for its smutty television, infamous sell-swords, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 12.202 billion Scalesburgians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Administration, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of St Montclair. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Scalesburgian economy, worth a remarkable 6,393 trillion k-bucks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Soda Sales, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 523,956 k-bucks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Rodney Osborne's opponents have adopted dogs to chase away the mailman, angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy, and colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great Scalesburgian Liberator". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Scalesburg's national animal is the wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Scalesburg is ranked 3,672^nd in the world and 1^st in Novus Lucidum for Lowest Crime Rates, with 124.44 law-abiding acts per hour.