The Soon to be World Cup Winner of Northwest Kalactin is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Nobody with an even hand, and renowned for its compulsory vegetarianism, infamous sell-swords, and ritual sacrifices. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 9.803 billion Northwest Kalactanians are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Education, with Industry, Law & Order, and Defense also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of No government so no capital. The average income tax rate is 55.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Northwest Kalactinian economy, worth a remarkable 1,361 trillion Anything you can finds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 138,869 Anything you can finds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Serial killers who are released early distribute death but not their seed, a speech a day keeps climate change away, wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations", and shady doctors seem to have impeccable records. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Northwest Kalactin's national animal is the Nothing, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Anything.

Northwest Kalactin is ranked 34,329^th in the world and 2,180^th in Osiris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 80.3 law-abiding acts per hour.