The Republic of Kanteen is a huge, safe nation, remarkable for its irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed population of 829 million Kanteenians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Columbidae. The average income tax rate is 16.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but inefficient Kanteenian economy, worth 33.9 trillion Wawias a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Cheese Exports, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 40,929 Wawias, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Dozens of viewers go online to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375, senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour, punitive tariffs protect local industry, and the number of students attending university has reached a record high. Crime is almost non-existent, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kanteen's national animal is the Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Kanteen is ranked 125,276^th in the world and 16^th in The Great Storm for Smartest Citizens, with 29.87 quips per hour.