The Federal Republic of Jelquopia is a huge, efficient nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, pith helmet sales, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 488 million Jelquopes are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Welfare, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Belmont. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 35.1%.

The all-consuming Jelquopian economy, worth 44.5 trillion Goonces a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Gambling. Black market activity is notable. Average income is 91,272 Goonces, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 266,644 per year while the poor average 24,672, a ratio of 10.8 to 1.

New mothers can pay for their weekly grocery shop with a bottle of breast milk, APCs on school runs disgorge kids via assault ramps, public toilets are famed for their rear entries, and more and more people are signing up for the government party. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Jelquopia's national animal is the The Goon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Jelquopia is ranked 291,999^th in the world and 5^th in The Republic of Peenar for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -5.8 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.