The Democratic Republic of Ile de Crystal Lake is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Kingfish with an iron fist, and renowned for its smutty television, parental licensing program, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 4.797 billion Ile de Crystal lakers are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Urbana. The average income tax rate is 71.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ile de Crystal Lakean economy, worth 637 trillion Gemstones a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 132,976 Gemstones, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

National park visitors are reporting a rash of poison ivy sightings, the writing style of religious hymns often changes mid-stanza, those who turn the other cheek seem to enjoy being slapped just a little too much, and teach an angler how to phish and he can make a living. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ile de Crystal Lake's national animal is the Jellyfish, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Dorkism.

Ile de Crystal Lake is ranked 12,545^th in the world and 726^th in Balder for Safest, scoring 118.54 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.