The Arguments of Hemogard is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Santa with a fair hand, and notable for its ban on automobiles, ubiquitous missile silos, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, democratic population of 2.492 billion Hemogardians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, socially-minded, outspoken government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of North Pole. The average income tax rate is 98.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Hemogardian economy, worth 305 trillion Candy Canes a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is an impressive 122,567 Candy Canes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Re-education centers are being added to most prisons, bowling teams spend more time looking at their phones than the pins, school history books often refer to Santa as "that imperialist pig dog", and party affiliation is just as irrelevant as campaign promises. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hemogard's national animal is the Reindeer, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Atheism.

Hemogard is ranked 39,577^th in the world and 58^th in The Black Hawks for Highest Average Incomes, with 122,567.02 Standard Monetary Units.