The Holy Empire of Headcrabians is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Nyarlathotep with an iron fist, and renowned for its teetotalling pirates, digital currency, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 21.04 billion Headcrabiansians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order and Industry also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mega Therion. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Headcrabiansian economy, worth a remarkable 9,332 trillion corpses a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 443,558 corpses, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 4,145,910 per year while the poor average 4,100, a ratio of 1,011 to 1.

Employees are told they can avoid traffic jams by starting work at 4 AM, autumn landscape paintings feature men stripping leaves from bare branches with a vacuum, movement-triggered sensors mean that for every door that closes another one opens, and the word 'elite' appears as a synonym for various insults in the Headcrabiansian Colonial Thesaurus. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Headcrabians's national animal is the human, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Forceful fornication with feti.

Headcrabians is ranked 3,639^th in the world and 186^th in Balder for Lowest Crime Rates, with 124.64 law-abiding acts per hour.