The Classy Realm of Half-Milers is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Warren Douglas with a fair hand, and remarkable for its avant-garde cinema, smutty television, and daily referendums. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 36.482 billion Half-Milersians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Alexandria. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Half-Milersian economy, worth an astonishing 17,165 trillion Eleanors a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 470,532 Eleanors, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

You need two tenors and a coloratura contralto to sing the national anthem properly, barbers who trim a few inches of hair bill the government for their labor, children gain their first sex education from reading the dictionary, and citizens ask "how many crooks could a nunchuck hook if a nun had nunchucks too?". Crime is totally unknown. Half-Milers's national animal is the Archie, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Half-Milers is ranked 36^th in the world and 1^st in Wysteria for Most Pacifist, with 437.25 cheeks turned per day.