The Republic of Colonalia is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by President Jake Crafter with an even hand, and renowned for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 5.461 billion Colonalians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Port Sutherford. The average income tax rate is 96.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Colonalian economy, worth 802 trillion Cons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 146,873 Cons, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Every citizen sounds like a television news anchor, ministers browse Alright! magazine for fashion tips, with increasingly clear skies nobody seems to mind the electricity bill going through the roof, and Colonalian watches list strained wrists as a common side effect. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Colonalia's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Colonalia is ranked 244,199^th in the world and 315^th in Spiritus for Most Armed, with 0.11 Weapons Per Person.