by Max Barry

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Most Avoided: 595th Fattest Citizens: 607th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 614th
The I want to remove my kneecaps of
Corporate Police State Entrepreneurial Freedom Zone
Nugget, Biscuit, Nugget in a Biscuit
President George W Bush
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Lard

Population2.421 billion

CapitalSanta isnt real
LeaderPresident George W Bush
FaithAnnoying Oranges freshly squeezed comedy

CurrencyAll I feel is pain

The I want to remove my kneecaps of Captain Lard is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by President George W Bush with an iron fist, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, flagrant waste-dumping, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.421 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Santa isnt real. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.5%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 612 trillion All I feel is pains a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 253,141 All I feel is pains, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,273,318 per year while the poor average 28,126, a ratio of 45.3 to 1.

Colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation, children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba, and families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the FUNY CHEZBURGER CAT 😹😹😹, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Annoying Oranges freshly squeezed comedy.

Captain Lard is ranked 174,683rd in the world and 161st in Lardyland for Most Inclusive, scoring 5.53 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.

Most Avoided: 595thFattest Citizens: 607thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 614thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 775thLargest Retail Industry: 874thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 947thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 951stMost Armed: 954thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,105thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,141stMost Secular: 1,149thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,427thLargest Mining Sector: 1,470thTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,056thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,278thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,354thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,680thHighest Average Incomes: 2,715thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,869thHighest Crime Rates: 3,141stLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,735thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,752ndLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,267thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,324thNudest: 4,467thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,716thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,645thMost Conservative: 8,133rdMost Subsidized Industry: 8,176thLargest Black Market: 8,195thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,517thTop
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 8,831stMost Efficient Economies: 10,116thLargest Agricultural Sector: 13,314thLargest Governments: 13,509thMost Extreme: 13,902ndMost Pro-Market: 15,382nd
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionTop
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 5th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 9th in the regionMost Conservative: 10th in the regionMost Developed: 12th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 13th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 13th in the regionLargest Populations: 14th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Captain Lard created a new poll in Lardyland: "Which class should be completely removed from society?".
  • : Captain Lard altered its national flag.
  • : Captain Lard lodged a message on the Lardyland Regional Message Board.
  • : Captain Lard changed its national capital to "Santa isnt real".
  • : Captain Lard changed its national currency to "All I feel is pain".
  • : Captain Lard changed its national animal to "FUNY CHEZBURGER CAT 😹😹😹".
  • : Captain Lard changed its national animal to "FUNY CHEZBURGER CAT".
  • : Captain Lard changed its national animal to "An" and its currency to "Na".
  • : Captain Lard changed its national faith to "Annoying Oranges freshly squeezed comedy".
  • : Captain Lard lodged a message on the Lardyland Regional Message Board.


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