by Max Barry

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Highest Wealthy Incomes: 1,016th Most Avoided: 1,024th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,035th
Corporate Police State Entrepreneurial Freedom Zone
Yo this is a hella motto
John the Baptist
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

Captain Lard

Population1.64 billion

CapitalDisney World
LeaderJohn the Baptist
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The LEFT BRAIN GANG of Captain Lard is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by John the Baptist with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, irreverence towards religion, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 1.64 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Disney World. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 16.8%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 363 trillion spittoons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 221,713 spittoons, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,167,924 per year while the poor average 22,428, a ratio of 52.1 to 1.

Consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed, mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot, citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements, and the Ministry of Truthiness now manages the entire media industry. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 165,379th in the world and 171st in Lardyland for Safest, scoring 4.91 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.

Highest Wealthy Incomes: 1,016thMost Avoided: 1,024thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,035thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,055thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,061stFattest Citizens: 1,133rdMost Armed: 1,368thMost Secular: 1,581stLargest Retail Industry: 1,605thTop
Largest Mining Sector: 1,820thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,990thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,106thLargest Insurance Industry: 2,144thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,490thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,637thRudest Citizens: 3,751stNudest: 3,957thHighest Average Incomes: 4,010thMost Conservative: 4,800thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 5,102ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 5,195thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 5,252ndLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 5,595thLargest Black Market: 5,843rdLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6,157thMost Scientifically Advanced: 6,380thLargest Information Technology Sector: 6,495thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 7,014thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,001stTop
Most Efficient Economies: 10,500thMost Extreme: 10,533rdMost Pro-Market: 11,184thMost Subsidized Industry: 11,681stHighest Crime Rates: 15,006th
Highest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Stationary: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionRudest Citizens: 3rd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionNudest: 6th in the regionMost Developed: 6th in the regionMost Conservative: 7th in the regionMost Influential: 8th in the regionTop
Largest Agricultural Sector: 10th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 11th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 11th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 12th in the regionLargest Populations: 17th in the region

National Happenings

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