The Empire of Bistrostan is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, complete lack of prisons, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, cheerful, devout population of 41.887 billion Bistrostanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Administration, Healthcare, and Environment also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bistrostan City. The average income tax rate is 71.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Bistrostanian economy, worth an astonishing 20,252 trillion drachmas a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 483,492 drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper, conspiracy theorists allege Bistrostan City's new subway map resembles Satanic symbols, new government leaflets tell coeliac children to eat more crisps, and flipping a coin to make a decision leads to a referral to Gambling Addiction Services. Crime is totally unknown. Bistrostan's national animal is the cheetah, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Bistrostan is ranked 215^th in the world and 1^st in The GameFAQs Forum for Most Cultured, scoring 643 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.