The Bardic Lorekeepers of Aethelia is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by JEM with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, irreverence towards religion, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 29.708 billion Aethelians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Healthcare, and Welfare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Luna. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Aethelian economy, worth a remarkable 9,959 trillion newtons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 335,239 newtons, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The ABI Channel Tunnel project is plagued by delays, libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars, community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home, and politicians are often found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income. Crime is totally unknown. Aethelia's national animal is the aurora, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Science.

Aethelia is ranked 260,967^th in the world and 106^th in Gay for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -7.9 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.