The Commonwealth of Zalzastan is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Mazaj Zalza with an iron fist, and renowned for its frequent executions, pith helmet sales, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 1.709 billion Zalzastanians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Administration, Environment, and Industry also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Zalzinstad. The average income tax rate is 10.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Zalzastanian economy, worth 237 trillion Euros a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Retail, and Information Technology. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 139,014 Euros, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Foreign policy is mostly just to smile and hope for the best, half of Zalzastanian history is deemed too unpatriotic to be mentioned in textbooks, scientists recently cloned the long-extinct feather-bellied Bear, and patriots insist that size does matter. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Zalzastan's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Moksen Koj.

Zalzastan is ranked 209,488^th in the world and 1,001^st in Europeia for Fattest Citizens, with 9.11 Obesity Rate.