The United Socialist States of Kholdan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Zghuk Whitescull with an even hand, and renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, smutty television, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 25.652 billion Kholdanians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Law & Order, although Defense, Welfare, and Industry are also considered important, while Administration receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kholdan City. The average income tax rate is 84.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Kholdanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,567 trillion Marks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 100,093 Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Zghuk Whitescull's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week, the moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP, park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets, and military units are often seen arguing over which one is truly favored by the gods. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kholdan's national animal is the Osprey, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Gallifreyan mysticism.

Kholdan is ranked 50,527^th in the world and 878^th in the South Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 27.29 flags saluted per person per day.