The United Socialist States of Kelvaczkhi is a massive, safe nation, renowned for its frequent executions, public floggings, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 1.82 billion Kelvaczkhians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Řekavesnice. The average income tax rate is 66.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Kelvaczkhian economy, worth 118 trillion Koricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 65,172 Koricks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

State officials tend to disappear after they forget to salute Leader's portrait, phone taps are frequently carried out by the police, money grows on trees, and the dish 'poisson avec poison' is only available on the black market. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kelvaczkhi's national animal is the Coyote, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Kelvaczkhi is ranked 34,605^th in the world and 9^th in Violetia for Most Patriotic, with 35.44 flags saluted per person per day.