The United Kingdom of Ioniae is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Vasiliás Aléxios tis Gothías with an iron fist, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, free-roaming dinosaurs, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 1.848 billion Ioniæns are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nea Apollonia. The average income tax rate is 75.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ioniæn economy, worth 189 trillion Dracmes a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Basket Weaving, and Information Technology. Average income is an impressive 102,783 Dracmes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Big Agriculture has the government by the nuts, the nationalised Arms Manufacturing Industry is not interested in making weapons, charity fundraisers often resemble minstrel shows, and liberals and conservatives try to disqualify each other's candidates on the grounds that "their ideas would never work in the real world". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ioniae's national animal is the Cerberos, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Néo Orthódoxoi.

Ioniae is ranked 24,332^nd in the world and 83^rd in Concord for Safest, scoring 111.59 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.