The Custodianship of Cryptarin is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Matron-Empress Cell'in Hyidivi with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, compulsory military service, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 11.79 billion Cryptarii are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Healthcare are also considered important, while International Aid isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sa'ko'in. The average income tax rate is 91.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cryptarii economy, worth a remarkable 2,088 trillion Kryptmarks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 177,171 Kryptmarks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government invades its allies more than its enemies, it is still not known if the commander in chief outranks the supreme commander, school guidance counselors recommend monastic vows as an alternative to higher education, and photographs that show ladies' ankles are considered risqué. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cryptarin's national animal is the Gae'Schtr'ou, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Lifescript.

Cryptarin is ranked 83,431^st in the world and 13^th in Hartfelden for Safest, scoring 88.92 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.